You know how they say that humans go “back to diapers” in their old age? It’s so true! (Some) old people go back to having the mind of a toddler. Well, Mr. Theodore Bearhug, my resident geriatric horse, has 100% proven to me that he has decided to go back to his toddler ways.
The last 5 years or so I’ve noticed that his give-a-damn has been slightly busted. In his younger days (you know, early twenties) he was this sweet old horse that anyone could ride. He has now been retired from riding completely, even little kids, because all he wants to do is prance around and be a turd. But you know what, he’s 31 and he has probably given about 1,873,024 pony rides in his life. If he wants to be done with the pony ride life, I don’t blame him.
It’s not just the riding part, he also sometimes “forgets” how to lead, and just in general decides what he’s going to be doing and when he is going to be doing it. Granted, I can take the blame for a large majority of this… After he hit the age of 26 I pretty much quit reprimanding him for anything. I figured once he got to that age he deserved to live out his life as he pleased.
But last nights shit show really took the cake and proved to me that Theodore has in fact “gone back to diapers” and is trying to give me a heart attack.
The farrier was coming to my place, so I got both horses caught and took up to the shop where they get shod. The flies were HORRIBLE and it was approximately 1,927 degrees in the shade, so I decided to give them a bath really quick, in hopes that they would be dry by the time the farrier got there.
WELL, I was starting to hose Alvin off and I left Theodore loose to graze around in the grass. Out of the corner of my eye I see Theodore make a b-line at a fast walk into the shop and over to a yellow bucket of used oil. When he reached his destination he dunked his face straight into that bucket. There was no hesitation, no sniffing around, just a very purposeful plunge into that oil, up past the nostrils. Of course I go into panic mode, drop Alvin’s lead rope and go grab Theodore up. I start spraying his face, up his nose, in his mouth, just trying to get all of this oil off and out of him before he can get too much of it ingested. His teeth, nose, lips, everything was black.
Sometime during this escapade, Alvin, who is a giant sissy/worry wort, thought that HE might be in trouble too, so he took off towards the pasture. Now I have a horse running off that thanks to all the corn around I can’t see where he’s going, a horse with oil all over his face that’s screaming for his missing friend and is running around me, I’ve got a hose and a bottle of VO5 trying to get all this oil off of him, and any oil that is coming off of him is going straight onto me and my glasses. So here I am, soaked in water/oil, blind because my glasses are covered, I have no idea where my other horse is, and my farrier is going to arrive at any moment. Just another day at my funny farm!
Thankfully, everyone was captured, bathed, calmed down, and alive when the farrier did get there. The ponies got their pedicures and we all lived happily ever after… except for my poor glasses. I have washed 3 times and they still have a little bit of greasy residue on the lenses. Seeing clearly is overrated, right?
All I can say at this point is T.G.I.to the F. For realz.
Have a great weekend!